Goreyboy

The Man burns tonight in Black Rock City. I can't pretend to be able to explain how I feel about not being there. I've been feeling lonely and this makes me more so. I feel homesick for the Playa in a way I would have mocked if someone expressed it in front of me a few years ago. It was the magic of Burning Man that got me through last year. No matter how dark things got I had that condensed week of joy and belonging, love, acceptance and art to go back to. Like a Talisman.

I am so tired and run down by this life. The recharge of that place and those people are out of my reach this year. There are fantastic reasons why I am not going - I am buying a house - a home for myself. I went to Belize and climbed the Mayan Temples while monkeys tried to steal my hat. Intellectually, I know these things but there is still this sad longing to be out there in the dust.

I am myself there in a way I rarely am anywhere else. I feel connected to people and open to them like I don't anywhere else. My hope is that this little cottage in the beach side town will be another place like that for me. Someplace I am simply myself. Someplace where the answer is never "No", but may be "I do not want to". Someplace where I can open myself up again and let some light in.

I am fortunate enough to have found a place that surprises me and gives little gifts of wonder. I am grateful for that but I still long for the flat open Playa and the endless possibilities there.

OK, I finished my first Burning Man outfit. I have to hem the pants (and maybe taper them a little). I was using scrub pants pattern so I'm still pretty pleased with it turning out this well).

Now that I cn see them together (I just finished the overalls) I think the vest might be beside the point/too much. Yes, I realize I'm wearing zebra print flannel overalls and worried about something being "too much".

Take a look and let me know when I should have said when.

Add yes, the studio is THAT messy right now. I'll clean up tomorrow.
( see the pictures and vote in the poll )

I'm thinking about the Playa a lot lately. Places I used to think were wide open now seem contained. Lately, I'm unusually aware of how many people are near me - even if they are in the next room.

I never thought I'd be one of the people who referred to returning to Burning Man as "Going Home" but that's how I've come to think of it.

I don't have the familiarity or easy connection with Burners others seem to have. That sort of thing doesn't come easy to me. I'm too shy - too cautious and self conscious about interacting with other people. But I miss the ability to just Be with out constraint or question. I really miss not having to anticipate the reactions of others. I really miss the inspiration and the A/art. And I totally miss my Playa bike.

When I went last year I didn't anticipate how invested I would be in going back or how important Burning Man would be to me. It feels like I discovered something precious and the knowledge of it makes me stronger and happier and fills me with a longing to visit it again. I imagine it's what explorers feel when they return home. Or sailors when they're in port. There's a wild field of possibility out there and it's Home.

My Burning Man pictures are up. I can't find the pic of me in my coat the night of the Burn but maybe it's in someone else's camera. Or it just didn't come out. no biggie.

I'll write more and post the best later (in context). I'm gonna try and tweak some of them and maybe repost them. Of course I have no idea how to adjust a photo to compensate for playa dust.

I took a 360 out at the trash fence I totally want to assemble.

All the pics don't suffer from this level of dust, but I like this one because I'm wearing my goggles. I LOVE my goggles.

The tradition is that you bring "gifts" to give people on the playa/at Burning Man. Ive seen the kitty hats pretty much every where as I read the boards and stuff. Cubby gave me some fun fur - his step mom dumped it at his house - so I figured I'd make some kitty hats as gifts....but then I thought they'd be more fun with bunny ears...

The Kitty Hat

The Bunny hat

Of curse, now I'm worried I went too far and they're just too much. I like them, but that's often a sign I'm near or across the line. And don't you love my sun burned nose? Lately I can't seem to take a picture that doesn't look like I'm on a bender.