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World AIDS Day
Dec. 2nd, 2004 09:40 amYesterday was World AIDS Day. The NJ Gay Men's Chorus performed as part of a commemorative service in Asbury Park. Near the end of the service we lit candles and there was a reading of the names of those lost. When we got to this point the air seemed charged and I watched the rows of people in front of me begin to tremble and break down. After the official reading people in the crowd called out the names of those they've lost. Some of the voices were loud and defiant, some whispered and raspy with tears, most somewhere in the middle.
I've never been a witness to that much loss before. It was overwhelming and affected me in ways I haven't quite sorted out. I came out late and am a little younger than the generation that was hardest hit by the pandemic. I've never personally known someone who passed away of AIDs related illnesses. My first boyfriend was positive but he passed in a boating accident (from what I know).
Mr Bear lost some close friends and was really touched by the service. It's a part of his past I have little connection to as I have nothing like it in my own. We talked about it and speculated as to why infection is on the rise in gay and bisexual men - my age and younger. We both lean toward the theory that it isn't as real or scarey to them because they weren't witness to the horrible losses that came before them.
Before When I would see ads for bare backing or hear people talk about it I would get angry. The fact that people were willing to put their friends and loved ones through so much pain and risk the health and life to others for pleasure just made me so mad. Today I also feel a sadness for them. I don't think they realize the difficulties of living with the disease and the side effects of the medications or how much they'll be missed when the meds stop working.
I know being positive isn't a death sentence. We have friends who are positive and lead happy and full lives. I also know how limiting the side effects of the medications and the illness itself can be.
Maybe we make to much of how affective the drugs are and don't talk enough about how they affect you.
Maybe we should talk more about what came before us and what the things we have cost them. Maybe then we wouldn't squander the availability of testing, the ability to prevent infection through safe sex.
I don't have any answers. Maybe there aren't any.
I've never been a witness to that much loss before. It was overwhelming and affected me in ways I haven't quite sorted out. I came out late and am a little younger than the generation that was hardest hit by the pandemic. I've never personally known someone who passed away of AIDs related illnesses. My first boyfriend was positive but he passed in a boating accident (from what I know).
Mr Bear lost some close friends and was really touched by the service. It's a part of his past I have little connection to as I have nothing like it in my own. We talked about it and speculated as to why infection is on the rise in gay and bisexual men - my age and younger. We both lean toward the theory that it isn't as real or scarey to them because they weren't witness to the horrible losses that came before them.
Before When I would see ads for bare backing or hear people talk about it I would get angry. The fact that people were willing to put their friends and loved ones through so much pain and risk the health and life to others for pleasure just made me so mad. Today I also feel a sadness for them. I don't think they realize the difficulties of living with the disease and the side effects of the medications or how much they'll be missed when the meds stop working.
I know being positive isn't a death sentence. We have friends who are positive and lead happy and full lives. I also know how limiting the side effects of the medications and the illness itself can be.
Maybe we make to much of how affective the drugs are and don't talk enough about how they affect you.
Maybe we should talk more about what came before us and what the things we have cost them. Maybe then we wouldn't squander the availability of testing, the ability to prevent infection through safe sex.
I don't have any answers. Maybe there aren't any.
