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I had an amazing and wonderful weekend. Fire Island is lovely - I'll write more about it later.
More and more I am struck by how blessed Mr Bear and I are. We have so much - a good relationship, friends who love us, family that support us, a nice home, financial security... Some times it's like a dream I'm afraid I'll wake up from. I often find myself touching him just to know he's really there.
Gratitude is something I'm getting better at, but I still have difficulty feeling as though these gifts are something I am deserving of. I'm getting better though. :-) To that end, I am going to take my 5 htp again. I feel better on it and I think a little chemical assistance isn't that terrible.
I'll probably take myself off again some time in the future, but that's why I am on them and not something stronger. I want to be able to control the drug. I want to use it to be better/well and still not be dependent on it. A fine line but one I want to try and walk.
One of my fears with medication for depression is that it would lessen or kill the unhappiness that prompts you to change a bad situation. Aside from work (which would take a hell of a lot of medication!), my life is pretty much lacking in the 'bad/needs to change' column. 5 htp will put a damper on that dark cloud in my head that says I'm not good enough. I'll be less moody and jealous (I think) so it'll be god for both of us.
OK, time to get to the doctors for a check up and get some work done.
More and more I am struck by how blessed Mr Bear and I are. We have so much - a good relationship, friends who love us, family that support us, a nice home, financial security... Some times it's like a dream I'm afraid I'll wake up from. I often find myself touching him just to know he's really there.
Gratitude is something I'm getting better at, but I still have difficulty feeling as though these gifts are something I am deserving of. I'm getting better though. :-) To that end, I am going to take my 5 htp again. I feel better on it and I think a little chemical assistance isn't that terrible.
I'll probably take myself off again some time in the future, but that's why I am on them and not something stronger. I want to be able to control the drug. I want to use it to be better/well and still not be dependent on it. A fine line but one I want to try and walk.
One of my fears with medication for depression is that it would lessen or kill the unhappiness that prompts you to change a bad situation. Aside from work (which would take a hell of a lot of medication!), my life is pretty much lacking in the 'bad/needs to change' column. 5 htp will put a damper on that dark cloud in my head that says I'm not good enough. I'll be less moody and jealous (I think) so it'll be god for both of us.
OK, time to get to the doctors for a check up and get some work done.
