Goreyboy (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
guywithmonsters) wrote2009-09-05 04:16 pm
guywithmonsters) wrote2009-09-05 04:16 pm
Entry tags:
Burn This After Reading
The Man burns tonight in Black Rock City. I can't pretend to be able to explain how I feel about not being there. I've been feeling lonely and this makes me more so. I feel homesick for the Playa in a way I would have mocked if someone expressed it in front of me a few years ago. It was the magic of Burning Man that got me through last year. No matter how dark things got I had that condensed week of joy and belonging, love, acceptance and art to go back to. Like a Talisman.
I am so tired and run down by this life. The recharge of that place and those people are out of my reach this year. There are fantastic reasons why I am not going - I am buying a house - a home for myself. I went to Belize and climbed the Mayan Temples while monkeys tried to steal my hat. Intellectually, I know these things but there is still this sad longing to be out there in the dust.
I am myself there in a way I rarely am anywhere else. I feel connected to people and open to them like I don't anywhere else. My hope is that this little cottage in the beach side town will be another place like that for me. Someplace I am simply myself. Someplace where the answer is never "No", but may be "I do not want to". Someplace where I can open myself up again and let some light in.
I am fortunate enough to have found a place that surprises me and gives little gifts of wonder. I am grateful for that but I still long for the flat open Playa and the endless possibilities there.
I am so tired and run down by this life. The recharge of that place and those people are out of my reach this year. There are fantastic reasons why I am not going - I am buying a house - a home for myself. I went to Belize and climbed the Mayan Temples while monkeys tried to steal my hat. Intellectually, I know these things but there is still this sad longing to be out there in the dust.
I am myself there in a way I rarely am anywhere else. I feel connected to people and open to them like I don't anywhere else. My hope is that this little cottage in the beach side town will be another place like that for me. Someplace I am simply myself. Someplace where the answer is never "No", but may be "I do not want to". Someplace where I can open myself up again and let some light in.
I am fortunate enough to have found a place that surprises me and gives little gifts of wonder. I am grateful for that but I still long for the flat open Playa and the endless possibilities there.